1. Drinking A Shit Ton Of Coffee
Dermatologists go back and forth as to if drinking coffee is actually detrimental to your skin, which Im convinced is a direct attack on me and everything I hold dear. That being said, drinking coffee in moderation (lol) can be beneficial to you, as coffee has antioxidants in it and other chemicals that help fight Parkinsons, Alzheimers, liver cancer, memory loss, and other scary shit. The bad news is if youre one of those who shows up to Starbucks and is just like fuck me up fam to the barista (Hi) then youre probs overdoing it with the coffee. And this is why we cant have nice things.
2. Not Washing Your Face In The Morning
There are a lot of things that take priority in my morning routinelike snoozing my alarm for two hours and drinking enough caffeine to give a lesser human a heart attackso, like, taking the time to wash my face in the morning takes the backseat most days. But, good news, my inability to keep a schedule is not sabotaging every aspect of my life like I originally thought it was. In fact, dermatologists say that theres no real reason to wash your face in the morning, especially if you washed it the night before. A splash of water can be enough to refresh your skin most mornings.
3. Sitting In Your Sweat
After I work out the first thing I want to do is consume twice the recommended amount of daily calories and the last thing I want to do is, like, take care of myself and shit. Like, I just spent the last 30 minutes
Snapchatting on a mat pushing my body to the fucking limit sooo I think its time for me to do whatever tf I want. And you better believe I put off showering for as long as I can because at my core I am a garbage human. A lot of people The self-proclaimed makeup guru in your friend group assumes that sweat is terrible for your skin because it causes breakouts, but she assumes wrong. Like, just because you have steady hand and a Mac palette doesnt mean you know WTF youre talking about, CHERYL. Dermatologists say that a little bit of sweat can actually open up your pores and release dirt, so embrace your degenerate lazy lifestyle.
^^^ Actual footage of me after a workout
As someone who gets about as tan as Wednesday Addams Ive been told my whole life to stay away from tanning, an obvious ploy to sabotage my
summer selfies happiness. What my mother, physician, and my very tan, very condescending BFF from grade school didnt tell me was that the suns rays can actually provide a healthy dose of Vitamin D, which can help prevent colds and flus and even more serious conditions like rickets. See, mother? Would you like me to have glowy skin or rickets?? That being said, if you plan to be outside for more than, like, an episode of then you should def invest in some sunscreen because too much sun, as we all know, can give you wrinkles, skin cancer, and other generally undesirable shit. Tanning is really a double-edged sword. Sigh.
5. Casually Drinking
First of all, I said drinking, as in the 2-3 glasses of wine you’ll consume tonight watching Rachel
socialize with shameless fame whores try and find love, not the ratchet amount of vodka sodas youre pounding on any given Saturday night. Moderate drinking can have some benefits for your skin, especially if your drink of choice is red wine because that shit has tons of antioxidants in it, which can improve wrinkles and lines, stimulate collagen production, and decrease the risk of skin cancer. Blessings.
6. Wearing Makeup All The Fucking Time
If youre the aforementioned Cheryl in your friend group then youre probably extra af when it comes to your makeup. Like, no ones seen your real face since 2012 and you want to keep it that way. And while most people will try and get in the way of you living your best life by saying that all the makeup you wear is bad for your skin, you really shouldnt listen to them because they are jealous and full of lies. Words I whisper to myself every morning. But seriously, that shit’s not true. In fact, there are plenty of benefits to wearing makeup every day. For example, products like foundation offer a protective barrier for skin, as well as SPF protection. Tbh if you have the patience to contour your face every damn day then, like, keep doing you. I applaud the effort.
7. Being Lazy AF With Your Beauty Regimen
If youre anything like me then your beauty regimen consists of doing the bare fucking minimum 5 days of the week and treating your skin like Kim Kardashian at a photo shoot the other two days of the week (take a wild guess as to which days those are). But for once doing the least is actually beneficial to your skin. Getting extra with your skincare can fuck up your skin more than you think because it strips your skin of its natural oils, causing your body to overcompensate for the loss of moisture (/wetness/beauty). Plus if youre more prone to breakouts you could be scarring your face with all of the exfoliating you do. Scarring. Your. Face. *shudders* NOPE. This is the face I present to
the world my Instagram followers and I’m not about to fuck with that relationship so I think I’ll stick to doing the bare minimum, thx.