CEO of worlds most valuable company wants to end money forever

The best things in life are free, or they cost around a thousand dollars and are paid off on installment plans.
Image: Stephen Lam/Getty Images

Money, who needs it?

Not extremely rich dude and Apple CEO Tim Cook, apparently. 

Sure, Cook’s estimated net worth is around $666 million, but, as he explained while waxing philosophic during Apple’s annual shareholder meeting on Feb. 13, that doesn’t mean he likes the stuff in its current form. 

“I’m hoping to be alive to see the elimination of money,” he reportedly told those gathered at Apple Park

Which, hell yeah, fuck money. And we’re right there with you, Tim! Let’s distribute goods and services to those in need, regardless of their ability to… oh, what’s that? That’s not what you meant?

Hm. OK, well, what did you mean?

“Mobile payments have taken off slower than I personally would have thought if I were sitting here a few years ago,” he explained — apparently observing that by now he thought the proletariat would have abandoned their nickels and pennies in favor of mobile payment systems like Apple Pay. 

Cook, pictured here probably thinking about how a vitamin supplement could one day turn us into post-humans.

Image: Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

So, it turns out it’s not money so much that Cook hopes to see the death of, but rather just money spent that doesn’t signify a greater adoption of Apple services. 

And that makes sense. After all, if Cook lived to see the actual end of money then he’d also likely witness the death of Apple’s huge cash reserves — and that couldn’t be good for his stock options.

However, maybe in an unintentional way, the man who loves to make awkward faces when meeting with President Donald Trump has hit on a larger truth. Namely, that he doesn’t truly understand his customers and their current relationship to money.

But that couldn’t be it. Because how could Tim Cook ever be out of touch with the common man? Now excuse us while we watch videos of him boarding his private jet on our $1,000 iPhones

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